Justice
by Alan Spencer
Summary: Taylor Hebert just couldn't take it anymore. She had promised herself that she would be better than that, but it was time to stop holding back.


**Justice**

I gaped at Emma, wordless. Her smile merely widened. Of course. Really, I felt so stupid. I should have expected that she would remember that and use it against me. But fuck, it worked. I felt the trail of a tear down my cheek. Still, my bitterness and sadness was overridden by my anger. My power roared at the edges of my consciousness, buzzing, pressuring me.

Things were going to end right here.

When that thought crossed my mind, I thought to myself that I couldn't do this, that it wouldn't be worth it and I was better than that, anyway. But it was so hard to remember why I thought I shouldn't do it. They deserved it. Each and everyone of them deserved it. The locker could have easily killed me, and none of them had cared. They treated me like I wasn't even a human being, so… what was the harm in giving them what they deserved? They wouldn't leave me alone unless I made them.

But not here. Not right here. I reached to pick my backpack up, but a foot hooked through the strap and dragged it away from me. I looked up, and sure enough, there she was. Sophia. I hated her most of all. I glared at her, but I didn't even try to fight for it. It just wasn't worth it. It could only worsen things.

"Why are all you gagging up on me?" I asked her, holding her gaze. "What the fuck did I ever do to you?"

"Me?" Sophia chuckled. "Nothing." she answered, in a sing-song voice. "Is just that you're an eyesore."

"Oh, fuck you." I clenched my hands into fists.

I stormed off out of this hell hole, leaving the backpack where it was, and headed home.

* * *

I didn't calm down at all. I kept thinking about it. What should I do to them, what they deserved. All along the way, I had to push the bugs away, who were reacting in response to my anger. I reached my house, barrelled inside, went straight to my room and just let myself drop on my bed. I clenched the sheets so tight that it was as if I believe they were Emma's throat. Or Sophia's. Or Madison's.

It was a mistake. I had thought it was a mistake before, but now I was damn sure. After those three bitches had poured juice all over me and I went straight back home, I had very nearly took my not quite finished costume to go patrolling, put a start to the superhero career I had dream of. But I hadn't done it. I knew, I just _knew_ I would come to regret it.

I felt like crying, but not out sadness, just pure anger. I had done nothing to deserve this. I had always be a good friend to Emma, and she paid me back by betraying me, throwing me away like I was a piece of garbage, insulting me, doing anything she could to make me miserable and laugh at me along with everyone else. As for Sophia, I hadn't done anything to her and Madison… I didn't even know. She was just a third wheel.

The world wasn't just.

Nobody cared.

So I was going to do justice, to force them to care. I started laughing to myself, tears streaming down my face.

Yes.

I wondered what kind of face would they make once they realized their mistake.

* * *

Morning came, and still, I hadn't be able to shake the intention to kill them off my head. It seemed crazy. I was supposed to be better than that, but I had understood then that they wouldn't not stop, they wouldn't never stop. There wouldn't never be any escape for that hell. Besides, I was tired of that already. I wanted to show them what they had be messing with.

So when I headed out for class, I was fully, wholly happy. I couldn't even remember the last time I felt this way. My head was clear, because I knew what I had to do, and nothing could stop me. There was no need of something showy. A single, venomous spider would be more that enough to put them down. But I couldn't do something so reckless.

They couldn't pit anything on me, but, in any case, if three of my bullies disappeared because of the same reason then I would draw undue attention. I just wanted my normal, happy life back. I wanted to kill Emma, but I knew myself well enough to tell that I didn't have any reason for it beyond what happened yesterday. Sophia was the ringleader, and the one I hated most of all even now, so she was the one who needed to die so this would be over.

I took one of the black widows I had been using to create my costume with me to school in my pocket. To be honest, they were disgusting, but the knowledge that they wouldn't attack me and were under my control took any fear I would have had away. On the way to class, I I did it. The black widow jumped to her neck and, in an instant, it stung her right there, below the collar of her shirt, penetrating the skin. The next, the spider was gone. Soon it safely came back to my pocket.

Sophia brought a hand to her neck fast, and rubbed it, her expression set in a grimace. Emma and Madison, the two girls walking besides her, were startled, but she just waved off their concern. I heard it clearly. A bug must have bit me, or something. It was so funny I had to bite my tongue to not start laughing. She didn't give a fuck about the bite, so there was a great chance that she would die in time. If she didn't end up dying, I could always come and finish her off.

For the first time in a long, long time, I entered my class not with dread but anticipation.

* * *

Today too I was unable to focus on the class, but for a whole different reason. I had to fight to kept a smile off my face. Soon. Soon enough she would be gone, and I would be able to rest easy. And the icing of the cake was that I would be able to watch the moment she fainted from the venom. I pretended to look out of the window, just to kept an eye on her.

The black widow was still in my pocket, just in case she needed another bite. Or two. Or three. If somebody warned Sophia about the bite on her neck, though it shouldn't be noticeable since I made the spider bit her below the collar of her shirt, I would guide it to attack her again and make sure she died.

Nobody warned her. Maybe somebody noticed, but nobody warned her.

Near the end of the first class, she suddenly stood up. Emma and Madison both looked at her, curious but not worried.

"What are you..." the teacher started saying.

"My neck hurts." Sophia cut him off. "A lot. I want to get it checked."

She took a step forward, wobbled and feel down to the ground, unconscious. There was a panic, and Emma and Madison volunteered to help the unconscious Sophia to the infirmary. I watched them go, with a stupid grin on my face. Really, it was funny. They still had no idea of the gravity of the situation.

* * *

I didn't see it with my own eyes, but I did heard about it. After the nurse examined Sophia, they immediately ordered that she had to go to the hospital. Only natural. A school infirmary wasn't equipped to deal with a serious black window bite. So one of the teachers rushed her to the hospital in his car.

I couldn't help but think about the pain she would be in, and what could be passing through her head. Well, if she had regained her consciousness, anyway. Propably not. Would she die like that, I wondered? Would she disappear without warning, not knowing why or how? Would she leave this world without even being aware of it?

Yeah, it was nice to think so.

That would be justice.

* * *

When I came home, I went straight to the bathroom and puked. It burned as it went down my throat, and I keep on puking long after there was nothing in my stomach left for me to puke. I guess, it finally sunk in. What I had done. I had told myself that I would be better than that, that I wouldn't sink to their level. But I had took the chance when it presented itself, anyway, though it had took me some time.

This was it. Sophia was dead, and by my own hands. It was something I couldn't take back. I didn't regret it, though. Not really. Sophia had been the one to shove me in the locker. I was sure of that, even though I didn't see it. Neither Emma or Madison would have had the guts to get that physical. She shoved me in just like that, without a care. Never mind the trauma. I could have easily died right there, and she wouldn't have cared. So how could I care that I killed her?

No, if anything, I had done the world a favour. It wasn't hard to imagine her growing up to become a criminal. Moreover, if anything, I felt worse for having these feelings because of having confirmed her dead rather that having killing her in the first place. But I did regret it, in a sense.

I didn't regret what I had done but why I had done it. That's right. Before it was like I couldn't even think about it, but now it was so clear to me. I said I would kill Sophia to get out of that hell, but that was unnecessary. I could have stopped going to school, and wait one more year so I could take online courses. It would have required telling dad about, well, everything, but I could have gone through it. Could. Maybe.

That would have done it. Sure, they might have sought me out, but I would do my best to avoid them and I doubted they would have the guts to do anything to me in public. The hell from where there was no escape and nobody cared about me would have ended right there. It would have be so simple.

I know that. I knew that, even then. But I killed her, anyway. Not for justice, but because she was an eyesore, because her very existence was a mistake. I wanted her to suffer through even a fraction of the pain she had inflicted on me, and then disappear. That's all there had been to it. And… I had enjoyed every second of it.

Eventually, I stopped. I realized then that tears were streaming down my face. It couldn't have be much more that a minute, but it had felt like an eternity. I felt awful. I, I couldn't even think straight anymore, so I just went to my be and completely covered myself with the sheets.

I laid there for some time, trying to sleep. Because, that was the only thing I wanted right now. Sleep to forget, even if it was only for a little while. My body lightly trembled, and I could hear the frantic sound of my heartbeat. The wind beating against the window sounded like footsteps. I could almost sense hands reaching for me. Reaching for my throat.

Tomorrow, I once again got dressed and headed to school. I didn't know why. I guess some part of me wanted to see how things were now, with Sophia dead. I didn't feel well. In fact, I didn't feel even a bit better. So maybe it was more for my own peace of mind that anything else.

Still, I didn't just feel sick. As stupid as it sounded, I was afraid. Like I was expecting that the police or the PRT would turn the corner and lock me away in the Birdcage. I hadn't left any trances. There was no way they could pin her murder on me. And yet, it seemed like a part of me expected such an unreasonable thing. That was the only way I could explain this fear.

Somebody staring. It seemed like everybody in the world was staring at me. Judging me, cursing me. I hadn't done anything wrong, so why was I feeling this way? I shook my head, as if could shake off those feeling so easily. A hand on my shoulder. I almost jumped. I turned around. My frantic heart almost stopped. There she was. Sophia, who was supposed to be dead, a crooked grin on her face.

I almost screamed, but I didn't. I turned around, and ran. I went to an alley, but it was a dead end. I turned around and Sophia was there, on the edge of the alley. Her crooked smile fixed in place. She advanced and I kept walking back, unable to do anything. My back hit the wall. She straddled me, got her hands around my neck and… she kissed me.

I felt something wet and hairy on my tongue. I realized without a real reason for it that it was a spider. A black widow. I gagged, struggled desperately, and started screaming, screaming. The scream died off in the walls of the alley, reaching nobody. I was like a grain of sand in the desert.

"Get me out here!" I screamed, the words clear even though they shouldn't be. The sounds of nails scratching metal. In my mind's eye, I saw a tight, dark space. I saw the bars of a prison where I had be meant to die. "Please, please, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out!"

More and more spiders came out Sophia's mouth, moving through my tongue and going down my throat. I could clearly felt those horrible things going down my throat. The scratching, the biting, the pain. I tried to escape even more fiercely, but Sophia hugged me to her chest.

The bugs swarmed over her, suddenly taking her away from me, driving her to the ground. She didn't scream, she didn't even twitch. She just laughed, and laughed, and laughed as the wounds consumed her flesh, leaving the skeleton and continuing even beyond that. The laughter continued even long after the skeleton was consumed, and the ashes drifted in the wind.

* * *

I woke up drenched in sweat, my pyjamas sticking to my skin, but I didn't scream. I didn't cry, either. I just stared at the barely visible ceiling, my head almost blank. Every moment of that horrible dream had be burned into mind with start clarity. Even now, I could almost believe it had happened. What a joke.

Was I… Was I going crazy?

I could have swore that even now, fully awake, I was hearing footsteps. Approaching, approaching, approaching.

* * *

In the morning, I didn't go to school. I told dad about the camp, about Emma, about all that they had ever done to me and than that was why I didn't want to go to school anymore. During that whole talk, I keep my gaze fixed on the ground. My hands were clenched into fists on my lap and my body was lightly trembling.

I expected him to get so pissed off that he couldn't think straight, but he just hugged me and tried his best to calm me down. I guessed that I looked too horrible at that time for him to get mad about that, and when I went into the bedroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I confirmed. Not sleeping anymore for the rest of the night hadn't done me any good. Then again, who could have done that after such a nightmare?

So I stayed at home, in the living room, with the television turned on and on a good volume even though I didn't watch it, and I didn't have any interesting in it. I only turned it on to have some sort of noise. I couldn't have withstood the silence. I knew that. Still, like I had feared, I lost myself in my thoughts. The only thing I could find in my own future was darkness.

My costume was only a few days away from being finished, but, to be honest, I was still doing this out of a sense of obligation, to finish what I had started, more that anything else. I knew I couldn't become a hero, anyway. Couldn't, not that I didn't want to. The appearance of a young girl who could control bugs short after Sophia's dead would raise suspicious. It wouldn't take long for the police or more likely the PRT to discover the locker accident and put two and two together. If that ever got out, I was finished. So all I could do was lie low and live my life in peace. As normal, boring, worthless Taylor Hebert.

Eh.

Peace.

* * *

"Taylor..." my dad started saying. I recognized that tone. How could I not? It clearly meant he was working up his courage to approach an uncomfortable topic. "You don't look well lately. I thought… I thought that you would be better now that you don't have to go to that… school ever again, but… but you haven't."

Of course. Of course he would say something like that. My stomach twisted. I remembered that moment. It had been easy. The black widow had bit her, penetrating the skin, under my orders, and then her fate had been sealed. It really was so maddening, how fragile life was. How could I act normally after something like that? No matter how much I tried to forget, I could. I wondered… in the death of the night, I often wondered how would I die.

"I haven't be feeling good lately." what an understatement. "I'm… sorry for making you worry."

"Don't be sorry. I… I just want you to be happy, Taylor. You know that, right?"

"I know."

* * *

On Sunday of the same week, I left the house for the first time. It was hard to believe it had been six days since I did it already. I just wondered around, for nowhere to nowhere, my mind empty. I didn't have anything I wanted to do, I just couldn't stand my current situation anymore. So I left and started walking so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore, so I could have even a small moment of peace.

I eventually grew tired of walking, so I sat down outside a café. Of course, I picked an entirely unoccupied desk. I hadn't brought any money with me, and, in any case, I doubted I could digest anything right now, so I just stared at the scenery, one hand cupping my chin. Not too long after I arrived, more or less ten minutes, another girl sat down in front of me.

I looked at her. She wasn't a girl I recognized, that was for sure. I doubt she had been at Winslow, either. It wasn't like I had much of a proof, but that she had sat down in front of me, hadn't given me a disgusted expression and hadn't started mocking me or laughing at me, was more that enough proof for me. I thought about going away, but that would have be really rude, and I didn't have any reason to do so.

Oh, oh, that was a really bad joke. Look at me, worrying about politeness when it wasn't that long ago since I killed Sophia.

I grimaced.

"My name's Lisa." the other girl said. "What's yours?"

"Why are you talking to me?" smooth, Taylor. Very smooth. I could have phrased that better. And she didn't know me. Is not like she would know why would I ask such a thing.

"Why not?" she shrugged, a leisure smile still on her face. It didn't look forced.

Because… because nobody really did so, not since the little trio put everybody against me and I became the laughing stock of the whole school. Because, there was a barrier between you, a normal person, and me, somebody who has killed for no good reason, just pure hatred. Because, I didn't deserve it. Not anymore. I shallowed.

"I'm not used to that." I finally answered. In a sense, it was the truth. "My name's Taylor Hebert."

"That's a nice name. It suits you."

"...Thanks." it came off as more of a question, but well. It was so strange for me. It looked like she just wanted to be friendly… but all I could think about was what she wanted to get out of this.

And despite that, we talked. We talked amicably, almost like old friends and I quickly lost track of the time. It didn't surprise me. Not really. I yearned to have a friend again for so long, and after everything that I did, of course I would latch on to Lisa. I liked her. We only spoke for a few hours, but I could say that I liked her from the bottom of my heart.

Some part of might be my loneliness, I guess. But most of it is that she was kind, caring, smart and it really seemed like she wouldn't stab me in the back.

When we parted ways, I knew I headed back home with a stupid grin on my face, especially because we promised to meet there too tomorrow, but I couldn't help it. Dad was already home when I came.

"Welcome back! Did something good happen?"

"Yeah." I said, my smile turning somewhat bitter. "I made a friend."

* * *

We couldn't meet everyday, but I enjoyed every day we had together. I guess it reminded me of better times, but it was more than that. Lisa understood me better that Emma ever did, even though our relationship was sort of similar. Lisa was the outgoing, beautiful girl when I was… well, me.

Still, I never feel pressured or inadequate around Lisa, so she became my life line. The person who keep the thoughts of what I had done and of killing myself away. No, more than that. When I was around her, I forgot about all those things and just leisurely spend my time with her. I was very happy.

"Taylor." she said. We were at my house, watching a movie together. Dad was out working. "I know what you did."

"W-what do you meant?"

"That you're a Parahuman, that your power is bug control, and that you used it for killing a girl that was making your life a living hell. Sophia Hess." Lisa said, in her normal leisure tone, like it was nothing, and brought a handful of popcorn to her mouth. My heart almost stopped. "I know, because I'm a Parahuman, too. A precog."

"Then why did you get close to me?" I said, looking down.

"Taylor. Please, look at me."

I did. Her expression was gentle, caring. Despite of what she knew, she looked like the same old Lisa. Of course. After all, she had know from the beginning. She raised a hand, and caressed my cheek.

"You did nothing wrong." she said.

"I killed a person."

"Yeah. And she was killing you. You're a wonderful person, Taylor. Even now. But you have to admit that. She was killing you. You stopped trusting people, you started wearing clothes that wouldn't get you attention, you sealed yourself off and refused to talk with anybody and your pain became a deep shame to you, because you didn't have the power to stop everything from happening." I wanted to look away from her, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. "That you got powers saved you. It was not longer about not having power, but having the power to restrain yourself. Even though you still couldn't work up the courage to change your situation, you gained strength for that, because you were the one being strong for not lashing out against them, pay them back for everything they did to you, even though you could easily have done it. But at some point… that stopped being enough. One of those three said something personal to you, something that send you over the edge."

"M-my mother..."

"Ah, I get it." had she figured it out just from those two words? "No wonder you did it. That's real nasty."

"Still… I didn't… I didn't have to kill her."

Lisa hugged me to her chest.

"Let me tell you something important about Sophia Hess." she said. "She was Shadow Stalker. A vigilante who was caught getting… overzealous with the whole crime fighting thing. She was caught when they saved one man she almost killed, but she had killed many people before that. Still, the PRT saw the chance to turn her into an assent. She chose to join the Wards as a probationary member rather that be sent to juvenile detention. Of course, she was required to use non-lethal ammunition. And obviously, she ignored that whenever she could. She killed many people, even after that."

If Shadow Stalker deserved to be killed for killing a lot of criminals… then what made me different for her, save for that I had only killed one?

"I know you're conflicted about it, even now. But trust me, Taylor. She deserved to die. She was a psychopath, and she ran her life on the survival of the fittest mentality. That's also why she bullied you. Because to her, you were prey. Because she felt like she had to put you in your place. She was screwed up in the head and, frankly, I glad she's gone.

I have to tell you something, first of all. I triggered when I was young. I… I hate talking about this, but I guess I owe you the whole story. Anyways, I distanced myself from my brother Reggie, because I started to notice he didn't spend time with me because he wanted to, but because it was his duty. Of course, I resented him for that, and because he was so popular and the favourite child.

I noticed that something was going on with him. He grew increasingly distant from everything and anybody, and then committed suicide. I mentioned that I had noticed that something had been going on with him, and they blamed me for his death. I triggered because of that situation. Father caught on, and, of course, he quickly changed his tune. He made me use my powers for the benefit of the family.

So I ran away, changed my name to Lisa Wilbourn, and used my powers to survive. That's it. You do what it takes to survive. Killing somebody may be a crime, but if you left her alone, sooner or later she was going to break you. I know she came very close to kill you, once.

So I don't blame you for doing what you did. I don't blame you for enjoying it, either. I don't think many people could blame you, not if they knew the whole story like I do. So as far as I'm concerned, you didn't do anything wrong. You're good people, Taylor. You don't have to drown in guilt for doing what you had to do. Simple leaving school couldn't have changed the situation, and without any support ending her life was the only thing you could do. So I don't think you should blame yourself. Whatever you think you should blame yourself or not is another matter. But you will have to decide that for yourself."

I thought about it. I took a deep breath, and released it.

"Maybe… maybe I will never forgive myself. But at least I think I can live with what I did."

Lisa ruffled my hair, with a smile even brighter that usual.


End file.
